sux mi dix for being tired/winedrunk on a sunday
(Source: tee-thyme, via victab)
you go back home and you realize that none of these people are who you remembered them to be EXCEPT they all think that you’re still exactly the same person who you were a year ago, but that was a year ago so you’re not. but they don’t see that. did they ever see anything at all? you wonder in the back of your mind, looking around at all of these “familiar” faces. isn’t it funny how you can have a memory of a place/person/event but no feelings attached to it? it feels like i came from here, but i don’t know when or even if there was a time when i actually belonged here. was i ever what they all seem to believe i am? a doormat to the two girls i dared call my best friends, who still insist upon the title today, but i think we all know that i’m the only one who’s really left that town, leaving me to be the one who’s drifting far…kinda like pangea? maybe. was i really the “perfect girl” to all of my guy friends, who have girlfriends today but wish they were me? i don’t think so. i still don’t even know what the perfect girl is. besides, they all saw what happened to my last relationship with one of their own brothers. or did they..? was i really the whore to all the girls who i used to call sisters, the ones who would look at me with jealous daggers in their eyes and wished for nothing but harm for my future? today, in this moment, i don’t believe any of it. i don’t believe that i was any of those things, not a doormat to two sorority girls who keep “forgetting” about the only friend they left behind, not a “perfect” girl to all those foolish boys who were blind to the mess that i became 2 years ago, and certainly not a whore to the girls who never bothered to ask, or care, aside from their own purposes. if there is one thing i am certain of, i am certain that i stand up for myself, even when it’s not a big deal, if it matters to me, i refuse to be anyone’s doormat anymore. i am also certain that i am not perfect by any means, i know that i have certain powers, and i manipulate people. it’s a flaw of mine, but i seem to use it to my advantage (look at my work, for heaven’s sake). i certainly know that i am no whore, only having few sexual partners and never once engaging into anything short of a relationship with any of the guy friends those girls and i once shared. i recall saying that i didn’t know who i was or where i was and that the only place that felt right was in my dreams. finally the day has come, i think i’m ready to wake up and see the world again.
(Source: you1anna, via victab)
“Growing up is losing some illusions in order to acquire others.” — Virginia Woolf
(Source: blua, via lifeinpinkk)
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